his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
