you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
