I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
