I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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