He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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