Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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