I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
