There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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