i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i think my tv is drunk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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