i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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