It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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