Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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