I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want her autograph on my taint
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
