She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
