I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize