I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
then he tried to convert me to islam
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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