Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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