its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.