I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
