He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
