Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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