you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
