Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
