Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
