Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
