Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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