Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
