she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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