im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
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