Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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