bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
