I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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