did you get engaged???
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
