So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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