OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
