i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
