By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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