no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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