Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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