margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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