Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
