She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
