he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
