I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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