I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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