Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
