i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
