Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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