Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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