Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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