Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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