If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
