Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
