life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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