Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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