i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
