kristin has been a bad kristin
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
