I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
