Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
