I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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