i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
