Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
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Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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