There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
