So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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