u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
