Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
