When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
