What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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